Hello All,

Yestersday was awesome. I got to go see the puppies, and picked out the most adorable one, who just seemed to like me reeeeally well. She's ADORABLE!! She looks very blue-heeler to me, with her cute little black ears and white and black spots and brown around her eyes....she has the most beautiful blue-grey eyes, and she soooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo cute. I've decided to name her either Jane or Maggie Mae. Maybe not though, we'll see.

Also, I stayede at the dude's house for close to 2 hours b/c we got into the most amazing talk about religion. Believe it or not, he's inspired me to change some of the ways I live. I'm changing some of the music i listen to (and that's almost the equivalent of me changing my skin colour). I honestly wanna have a different relationship with God, and am getting NP in on it too. I also talked to ARC, who, surprisingly, agreed to start going with me to church, which is GREAT, and a HUGE step for him. I'm so happy and proud. Also, ARC and Crystal have permanently ended their "relationship", for which I'm thankful for. So, yesterday was great.

I know i NEVER do this, but I'm putting a bible verse in my blog. Take it with a grain of salt, okay?

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   " So do not worry about tomorrow; For tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp; -Matthew 6:34-

Last, because i will no longer have daily access to the net or maybe even a computer, this is probally my last blog. I want to tell everyone this goodbye, good luck, and that I'll try to write if I can.

Always

Me

Last night I got info about the trip to Tennnessee I'm going on. I now no longer want to go. I'm going w/ my church's youth group, and I WAS r,r,r,r,really looking forward to it. However, the damned youth minister is prohibiting ALL secular music, most shirts w/ phrases on them and fun all together. Since my breakup w/ ARC, I listen to Sum 41's All Killer No Filler CD every night to distract myself from the pain. I will probally end up crying myself to sleep....Almost ALL my decent shirts have writing on them.. Everything from "runs w/ scissors" to the classy "everything I needed to know I learned from the ppl trapped in my basement".  I AM PISSED! That ass I call a youth minister said "secular music doesn't bring you closer to god" and then his damned fiance said "and if you don't like that we'll make it to where you can't bring music at all". JUST A THOUGHT: where in the bible does it say you CANT listen to secular music????????? I don't wanna listen to damned "jesus is good, god is great blahblah blah" shit for 4 days straight. HELL NAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what I wear is MY buisness. It's not like I'm running around with a f'in Anarchy sign on my chest!!!!! I'm old enough to decide what I wear and what I listen to. Unfortunatly I HAVE to go b/c I can't get my $$$ back. And I can't sneak my cd's b/c if he even HEARS we have secular music he'll take the cd/tape/mp3 and NOT give it back...(could I sue him if he did??????) My mom bitched at me for "being rebelious" when I asked if that ment 100% all secular or just the stuff you wouldn't listen to with Granny. My mom was sooooooooo bitchy last night.

Also, to make things even better, today is what would be the 1 yr anniversary of me and ARC. I cried until 1 am last night, got up and am here now. It's greeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaat . I have friggin' 30000 tissues all around my bed from crying. I hate how much power I've given ARC since we've split. I'm considering calling him, but I won't; I just wonder....what if he calls me?.....I heard a good qoute today:

" When it's at the end you start to think about the beginning"

So f'in true. WHen I start crying now I think about how we USED to be, how it  was when we were first together... There's a song by Macy Grey, and the lyrics are " I try to walk away and I stumble, try to say good bye and I choke" or something to that extent. It's a love song but it runs the other way for me.

that's it for now

me

I figured, in the spirit of seeing others list to make one of my own about myself

Fav Colour: Red, Black, white and blue

Fav Movie:Say Breakfast club, really it's Ferris Buellers Day Off. I have a thing for 80s movies.

Fav Music: Rock-punk, alternative, 80s, 90s, light, anything.

Fav Artist: MCR, Bl!nk 182, Sum 41,etc.

Fav Art: Black and white drawings,sculptures,pics...

Fav Food: Pizza, Chinese, Italian,

Fav Book: White Oleander by Janet Fitch

Fav Show: Fairly Oddparents and Sex and The City (inspiration)

Fav Flavor:Choclate

Fav Ice Cream: Birthday Cake (bluebell) and Mint choc. chip (bluebell)

I like skulls, I'm not fashionable but enjoy my own style.  I love poetry and writing and drawing and all that jazz. Weird Fact: I'm so nearsighted it's not funny. At all.... comment,plz

that's it

me

I'm very angry with this computer.r,r,rr,r,r,,r,,r,r,r,r,r, r,r,r,really ticked at it. However this anger will benefit somebody later on....(fill in the blank). argh. Anyways, I brought cookies today to give to ppl as a christmas gift, but nobody friggin' wants 'em!!!!! Which makes my mood worse....Also, my truck, Jack, hasn't been seen for two days now, and we don't know were he is, and we haven't been able to go talk to my landlords (who own the truck). I've called Cody now a total of at least 15 times, and never can I get him on the phone. Also I've been tempted to call ARC, b/c I miss him so bad, but I've always stopped myself.....But I want to. I just noticed I got a stain on my jeans...I wanna cry/scream/be held.....*grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Today is crap, and tommorrow ain't lookin' great either. Tommorrow is what would've been 1 yr for me and ARC. I'm kinda deppressed.... Anyways, Last night I hurt my head. I put wax in my hair (hair wax, it's like rrrrrreaaaaallly good hair spray or gel) and put a few small braids in for the hell of it. Well I took them out and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD it hurt like a motherlover!!!! I gotta start thinking about what I'm wearing to Tennesse on a trip. Will it snow? I hate snow......Alot. I'm a summer person. I readily enjoy gettin' hot and sweaty (lol). I'm so stressed right now, I need to take a "mental day" off. Holidays are really stressful. Tonight I'm locking myself in my room (anyone wanna join me?) No calls taken tonight....

that's it *sigh*

me  

Several things

a) felines

b) cookies

c)ARC

first: I have a kittie, Carey, my first "child". She's a gorgy calico who enjoys sleeping,playing "Carey of the Jungle", and most recently, waking me up at ungodly times during the VERY early morning. Example: was going to get up at 530a to straighten my hair, make coffee, etc. TWICE, a furry animal wakes me up, and it wasn't the apeman. I ended up sleeping until 550a to make up for lost time.

that's enough of that*

cookies: b/c i'm cheap, I am making cookies to give out to all the ppl I need to kiss up to. Example, Brotherish type Mike, (good w/ computers) Glenn (help in Bio) Jo-nathan (my MAJOR crush), and people I don't know what to buy for. I have at least 8 ppl to bake for, which means (i'm giving 6 cookies, 3 types, b/c 1 of each is a tease) 48 cookies. That's alot. I'm making sugar cookie,choclate chip,and peanut butter. Variation of all except p.b. P.b. is too good to ruin.

*that's enough of that*

ARC: I'm still attempting to get over him. I'm hurt, deppressed, and getting to feel a little angry. If I saw him now, I wouldn't speak to him. Luckily, he's 500 miles away. I'm really upset,and just wanna GET OVER him. I go b/w him screwing his new grl, and the time he saved me when I had a panic attack. You see, my friends and I went to Six Flags this summer,just jools,z,annie (z's cousin), me and ARC. Jools and ARC talked me going on this tube ride, which I originally didn't wanna go on. I always tumble over and scare myself, feeling like I'm gonna drowned. ARC is/was a lifeguard, and said he'd be right there, no worries. Well, I tumbled over, three times. The third time, I had a panic attack in the water. The guards working the ride were NO HELP, and ARC had to push me up out of the ride so I could slowly walk down by myself. He babyed me the rest of the day,and when we (just me and him) got back to his place, he took shower while I conked out on his couch ( I was feeling physically weak, but didn't let it show. My friends would freak out, ya know?). When I woke up he was holding me, looking at me with this undescribeable look.....I felt so safe...

I go b/w these two thought, and I wanna cry....I hate this.

*that's enough of that*

that's it, plz comment

me

Happy thanksgiving....ish.

So, I talked to NONE of my friends over the holiday, and decide these things.

I wouldn't talk to Cody anymore because I wanted to be with ARC

ARC would love me and take me back

I would be devoted to ARC, because I really did love him.

Frankly, this went to hell.I talked to ARC Sun. night. He spent the whole week with his ex-gf, Crystal. She has a baby (was raped) and he "went to see the kid", which isn't his. They've decided to get back together.....I cried for a long time, and he yelled at me for just stringing him along and not wanting him to move on.....All I could keep thinking is "i'vemessedthisupsobad,it 'sallmyfault,ihurthimbefo re,i'msosorry,i'vescrewed up"

I couldn't speak.......

So I called Z, who comforted me.....I'm okay, for now. Today I'm wearing make-up, which I never do.

*enoughof that*

So, ya'll want controversial? Funny? hmmm.....

I bought a book on western/chinese zodiac which is creepily right on track about personalities/health etc.

Zodiac: Stupid or Stupendous????

As for funny.....Well, dude/person/darlin'....

I'm funny, just give it time. I don't want to be funny para de momento (that's spanish....ish)

That's it

me 

Last night I sinned, MAJORLY. I didn't watch sex and the city, but instead talked to cody. Cody does like me (!!!!!!!:D) which is resplendent. Anyways, I talked to current bf, amp, and lied to him about what I did in Texas. I made out with my ex.....and another, and kissed cody. I told him I didn't care and it wasn't any of his business.......I'm dumping him today. One line "I'm sorry, but we should see other people." How sad.....not. I'm addicted to music videos.....must watch

that's it

me

So, this weekend I made a trip home.FUNFUNFUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!I had to sleep on a couch (krink in my neck) Spent ALL my money (it was worth it) and am running on 3 hrs of sleep (need.......caffiene......)

Anyways, I kissed 3, yes 3, guys in a period of 3 hours. All 3 don't know I kissed the other 2. I am the devil.....Visited an old boyfriend, JBM, and gotr lost in the smoke that was his room. I could smell the weed even AFTER i had left his room, AND I DIDN"T SMOKE ANYTHING!!!!

I kissed my friend Cody. I'm in lust, I swear, kissing him was awesome. I've liked him since forever......and i think he likes me (YES, YES, 3 TIMES YES!!!!!!!!!!!)

The next night, Cody, me, shay (my best friend since i was born) and ARC (whom I also kissed) went out, ate pizza, themm terrorized a chain grocery/dept. store. SOOOOOOO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOnday I ran by my old high school and saw people. Many people ran and (literally) jumped in to my arms (ay! my back!). I was thrilled. I missed being missed.

I realized half way through my trip though, that I had became a "bad  kid" per saye. I did what i wanted, said what I wanted, and had fun. I don't smoke or drink or do drugs, I'm just me.....But I cuss, I spit, I run, I scream...I'm a rocker chick, but to my friends I seem so wild now..... I used to think they we're wild and "bad". I was a little saddned. But I'm going to write cody and see if he likes me.....

that's it

me